his million complaints

its been a while. and im gonna take a lil while longer. but i'll be back

you might think that im new to the K-Pop scene. well actually no, it started years back with Rain. cos i thought he was just plain amazing. so fast forward a few years, i became a fanboy. i'm a VVIP (fan of Bigbang) a BlackJack (2NE1) a Shawol (fan of SHINee) and right now, i'm a Aff(x)tionates i just received confirmation via my Windows7 phone that my f(x) albums that i ordered had just been shipped out. yay me! hey, i listen to them for 12 hours at work. its kinda nice listening to something aegyo and something you dont really understand when you're at work. but there's a problem. i'm learning. and i'm gettin a lil better at comprehensing what the lyrics are saying. my keen interest in this scene seems to be thriving well since im surrounded by Kpop fans. there's Zat who works with me. and his car, though a Japanese Car, plays Korean music. and let's not forget Shawnrick... and let me end this abruptly.

if you don't know, then now you know. draft.Blogger looks good now. i need to complain a bit here. i'm always dry. i always finish my pay within 5days. and yes, that is scary. and no, im paid every 2 weeks, so come second week, im dry. like as of now. i need a new gameplan. and its obvious i have no plans to save. the trend to follow in this expensive island would be fuck house, fuck marriage, fuck car

plus, did i mention in the month of June, i worked for like only 6 days? yes, i've been a bitch. i'm still jobhunting. the future is bleak, and the future adam probably killed himself already.

i am in a mess. a total mess. a trainwreck even. with dad's second accident, i call it "Spiderlegs", the first accident i referred it as "Superman" (cos he survived without going to the hospital), life is getting a bit tough. yes, i've been a bitch. i neglected anything and everything. everything was put on hold. all the plans. full stop. dad can't work. and it all happened at the same period when i was like, 'this is it, im quitting my 12hour job'. you know whats tough about this job, its 12 hours and its neverending. plus i get no breaks. not much of a rest. each time i end shift, my leg goes jelly-like with thanks to the prolonged sitting and driving. even drivers outside get to rest. not to mention when i was in the army. compulsory break after prolonged 2hours worth of driving. plus the dirty trucks, im falling ill way too often. the latest prime mover i drove caused me my health. PM 262. totally dirty. plus night shift. i nearly died...

"my biggest dream was to be the minister of transport. and not a bus driver. bitches"

say, apart from chilling with friends and watching Korean shows, this is one thing i still have to do on my off day. gotta play this game before i wake up in 3 hours for like 12hours of driving. Ghost Trick affects the way i think. when i play this, it really reminds me of death and what am i really doing with my life. others like Sissel would pretty much wanna STAY alive. its funny how the gameplay works, he possess and manipulates inate objects. BUT, he cant manipulate his corpse. which is rather sad though. eh, i wanna go play. and see, i still took the time to blog today. i'm awesome this way.

seriously, if you're the type of haters who hate listening to songs of another language, but still curious to know whuts up, you might wanna start with this. its my fave anyway.. :)

"i hate this love song" pun intended. i adore BIGBANG. and as i mentioned yesterday, i think Korea and Japan are the only countries that still buy CDs and that the stars there still make millions from albums. beat that haters. and mmmm, taeyang still looks the same

yeah, in my circle of friends, if you werent paying attention to what was said the last 3 seconds ago, dont bother asking. cos you know we're filled with punchlines and backlash. and its hard on us too cos we gotta think of something sick to say. "its like we're rappers" and yes, i realised yesterday i talked more. but still punchlines are hard.

oh god damn, yesterday when she blabbered, it went on and on. it was a dry spell. we needed to get away. the noise, the pollution. the face i had. she was on a spree. she vomitted her words freely without any control. her words were liberated from probably her top heavy chest. eh, i need a girl too, that speaks alotta things i dont even understa d

seriously, what am i doing with my life? i know i aint a pro at anything. if i were an ice cream flavour, i wouldnt be just plain chocolate, i'd be Neopolitan i think. i'd be a mix. i dont specialise in just one thing, i mean, i can do what i do but i aint the best. i'm just a variety. i can draw, but i dont excel in it. i can write songs, but i dont excel in it. i can sing, but i dont excel in it. i can direct and make short films, but i dont excel in it. i can blog and write stories, but i dont excel in it. i can make money, but i dont excel in it.

i try hard to be less sociable   ...and when you're broke, we hang online  the life after 23. so it hit me. i've aged. a year older, a tear older. some things remains the same. i still blog for free, unlike Dee who earns like what? 800 for blogging. lucky her. job i currently am not feeling my job. any moment and i'll be gone. there's a word for it that shawnrick just used. Jelak. i don't know the perfect english word for it. but there you go.    "imagine you being a radio DJ and your talkset is for 12 hours. no music to play. non stop talking. its like me and my driving" financially i can survive on my own if i maintain this job and splurge lesser. and i still have got my middle finger to the cost of living here in this island. come on May. i need to see more money. love seeing someone older than you is weird if you're foreign to it. say 16 years your senior. and me being the quiet one makes it even more harder. seeing someon...

"do you ever think of me, anytime?" Good morning. Whuts good. I ditched work today if you should know. Nothing to be proud of though. This monotony should end. I may need a new job. Eh, i miss you. Thats my main point ah. "you should see him when he's with her. he totally transformed into a primary school kid" And suddenly that line went through my head. Oh, and the case of the flu is here and it's making its presence felt... Good morning saturday

i don't know. peculiar. i hate this strong tension at home. my parents are not talking to me. they're mad at me. apparently i may have disappointed them. then again, i totally agree and abide to this line, "When someone says that you've changed, it is because you're not behaving as to how they want you to" true story. but its a good thing i love my sis and she loves me back. so she's like the neutral party between me and my parents. you know, if my family had a huge fortune for me and my sis to inherit, i think she'll get the most. say 70:30. me getting the 30 of course. but then again, at the end of the day, my sis would share and make the proportion even. i have faith in that. always love your siblings. they're your best friends slash family.

Maybe this decision was a mistake. But hey, im vulnerable. You may be wondering whats going on withy life right now. Tsk. First and foremost, my heartstrings been heavily utilized this month. Dating seems foreign yet familiar. I wouldnt have said that if i had been actively seeing other girls lately. Also, not if im the nick cannon and she be the mariah. Caught my gist of it yet? Finding my prototypes werent on my list too but they just appeared. The kind of girl i would marry. The default template i had once imagined actually exists. And yes, the feelings are mutual. In fact, it could be a lil too strong. Never had i seen furious envy in a girl's eyes. It was like she accidentally exposed her feelings for/towards me. Tsk, not that i was oblivious but i didnt know it could be as strong as mine. And her calling me in the wee hours, wanting to see me, it makes me happy... But every thing good has to come to an end... I'll update again later.  Im driving

i thought i was playing it right. i thought i was all strong and all. i told myself not to fall for her. not to fall for my prototype. the type of girl that was meant for me but not made for me. but never did i expect lil miss prototype to have a thing for me too. i totally didnt mean to make her jealous. it wasnt very nice. she stood there in shock. i looked into her eyes and i sensed alot of hurt. i myself didnt know what to do. but i was amazed that she took it well in her stride. and then she complained to shawnrick. telling him that she was jealous cos of what happened. and no. the story didnt just end there. she came up to me, telling me that she actually missed me. and in fact, as i am typing this, my lil miss protoype and i are texting one another. but then again, i have to remind myself not to fall for her. and she cant fall for me. dont ask me why but its meant to be this way. beautiful memories and all but we can never have eternal bliss together. and sometimes, this f...

so i let my phone rang. twice throughout the day. and she messaged me after the missed call. the third time it rang, i knew i had to pick up. and it was a decision that i think was worthwhile. it was one of the those "YES AH!" decision. over on the other end, all i heard was laughter. her laughter. it went on and on. simply cos i refused to answer my phone. and so we talked, for a while. a long while in fact. i think i forgotten that i actually enjoyed talking on the phone.

i would jot down all the special moments we had together. talk about how beautiful she is being independent. describe her every little traits and pet peeves based on my observations. express my inner thoughts on how i feel about her. all that without her knowing that i blog. maybe one day as we grey and age together, as i lay dying, i would ask her to read my blog entries , something to remember me by. someone who loved her, her whole life through. now wouldn't that be awwwwwww. have you ever loved someone. so deep that its actually imaginary.  no, not the love that is imaginary but the person...

ok so, this was supposed to be my favourite month.

i love having heartfelt deep conversations with the member of the opposite sex. regardless she was sick this morning, we still talked. to the point where it was almost time for her to leave. she was drained out, i saw it in her eyes. i told her to lay her head on my shoulder and rest her eyes. She obliged but couldnt fall asleep. thus we embraced each others company, the silence and the occassional glances into each others eyes. Tsk, didnt i say i might never see her again? I think im gonna accompany her more often till she leaves next month. After that, i dunno whats gonna happen. heck, im at work now and im feeling confused. In the words of taeyang, "im tired of being alone, sick of being single. I think i need me a girl, i need girl like..." and there you go, i'd found my prototype

its like in the movies once again. a fateful meeting between 2 young adults. not knowing that we would pour out our secrets and yet, still able to get close to one another. and it was the cuddles that made the night. the warm whispers in the ears. the perfume that she wore and the scent of her shampoo on her hair. she telling me about her life and the troubles she went through. about how she and her supposed life partner just broke up after three long years. a sad tale of the rich and the poor. about how comfortable she actually felt talking to me, she figured that maybe its cos of our same age. she who embraced me in her arms felt safe. i felt likewise. her butterfly kisses made me felt fuzzy on the inside. "i don't want you to leave" her words rang through my head. it was 0720hrs by then. we needed to get our sleep. after the long hug, we parted ways. In the cab, i was left confused. not surprising. see, i brought this up cos its sweet and all but its sad cos we c...

and its funny that they dont see the change. and its more funny that they dont sense the early hate signals. its funny that i just know.

the haul and so, i stood there, looking at all the titles. all at a great discount. i scrolled left to right and right to left, middle to top. till one of the salesperson approached me. she picked out a title. "Fantasy Couple"    "this one is very nice. its hilarious. i like it" she told me with great eagerness, and a chinese accent. "ouh? thank you very much then" she passed the DVD boxset to me. i didnt place it back to where it belong. instead i held it on tight, indicating to her that i'm agreeing with her choice and i shall leave that place with that recommendation. and she then picked another title "Princess Hours". the same thing happened, she passed the boxset to me to allow me the chance to read the synopsis. happy to see me not reject her recommendation, she picked up another, "Cinderella Man", "My Wife Is A Superwoman".  i recalled a point of time where there was an awkward silence between us as she tri...

for a moment, i just stared at this space. in my lifetime, i did a couple of things that i'm pround and not proud of. but thats not the point here. sometimes.. wait, what am i even thinking. i was thinking, oh shit, look at how long since i'd last updated. and yes, i visit daily, but entrywise, i do it seldom nowadays. so to whoever reading this space, i do apologise. its not as if i couldnt, but its just that i didnt. i could do it anywhere and anytime, technology, oh my, im thankful towards technology. 127hours is an awesome movie nonetheless. but its one of those movies that you're willing to let your eyes stray for a while and wander for a few seconds. especially so when he cuts off his own hands. so ya. say, lets get back to me blogging. for a year counting, i'd changed. i didnt wanna blog. i was concerned. but puhlease, let me forget about all this self concious rubbish ish. today was awesome. woke up and found out that there's not much vessel to work...

a new year, a new hairdo. and Mrs Wrong is taking a tad too long to appear. :E *i like that kind of girl

Taeyang featuring G-Dragon "I Need A Girl" i still think i'm korean. and i still love taeyang and g-dragon, hot or whutt? and both from Big Bang, in which i'd been listening to the whole of this month. and yes, i need a girl. literally.

"sorry you can't come to my house this chinese new year, i have nazi parents, they don't like malays" seriously, that brings the total to 11 houses im not invited to then. problem is, i didnt even ask. clap clap bravo. don't let me see your family eating nasi lemak, mee siam or satay ever again. so much for us not being able to integrate with the other races. and like i said, the best part was that i wasnt even gonna ask whether i could go around and do house visiting. but please, im still gonna bring my ceena friends to visit my house during my festive season. cos im nice like that. and i integrate well.

Salutations to you, It's been 5 years. 5 short years that i'd been complaining here in this space. Over the years, i got to witness first hand how our generation gave up ranting in paragraphs. We in this new era rant in short simple lines on either facebook or twitter. Me inclusive. But still, i have yet to forget about this space. Because sometimes, I need to beat this human loneliness and rant. I need to let off steam sometimes. a single line wont do it, i need to release in paragraphs. Thats how much words i have in my brain. Maybe one day, i might just give up on this space. Signing off, the author

"Hog" 2006 remember how i used to mention how distant i am from my relatives? well, here's another rant today. it was 1630hrs and i was watching Boys Over Flowers when the phone rang. so i reluctantly and angrily paused my show and picked up the phone. it was Angkwek. the name Angkwek derived from Pak Hitam. Pak Hitam then got translated to Uncle Black. and me and my other cousins just cut it short to Angkwek. so he was on the line, he thought on the line was my father. i always get that alot on the phone. so yeah, i passed the phone to my dad. my dad grouchily woke up and answered. upon putting the receiver to his ears, his eyes lit up. "What? Your father got caught by the police?" in malay.  i started to smile. my dad giggled. then we both laughed. Dad was still on the phone. "Sent to a shelter? What? Angsana Home? tell them to put him in there for 5 years" he joked. and after he put down the phone, we were giggling. and then i asked, as if...

"the bar" 2004 been in bed for a day now. minus the mealbreak and body maintenance timing in the middle, than yeah, its been a day. with all this lounging around, i should feel refreshed. well i know i am, but i choose to believe im still feeling lethargic. well what can i say. its human nature. but then again, we are not the same, i am a martian. that's what lil wayne would say. im in the middle of watching Boys Over Flowers. yes. i have my moments. eMoments i would call it. im tired. im drained. i need to marry money. i want. in fact, i need more money. there's so many things i need to rectify. only capable of doing so with money. a whole lot of it. i need to repay my parents for bringing me up. i aint cheap. its not their fault, we're just in a country where its a tad too pricey. and i feel the urgency and the need for me to chip in and play my part. and 23's round the corner. now thats a little cruel don't you suppose. im getting older. and y...

"I BELIEVE(D) IN ANGELS" 2007 well indeed, after my long wait, my trophy had been properly skinned. i am still surprised as to why there aint any protectors for HTC 7 Trophy. not even from their Customer Service Centre at Keppel Tower. part 2's January salary would be for bills and all the important IOUs. without the incentives this month (MC in December) i'm rather tight. but it will be full speed ahead next month. i'll be on that fast rebound. so i aint worried much. cleaned up my room the other time, all my junk within the past 10 years had been cleared. i don't need memories. i dont need things to remind me where i'd been and what i did. its time to move on. but during the process, i found a few old sketchbooks of drawings. that and even my old songbook. now those stuff are real sentimental. hmmm... i'm old. and did i mentioned that i'm pretty cash-strapped? but then again, i believe in angels.

Well yes of course I'd been busy. Well apart from work, I need to catch up on the backlog of shows that I need to watch...

 i've made it pretty clear before. i revolve around money. life is in fact. i deviated from my short term goal and now i'm back to it. gotta save for my downpayment. and i ain't worried much about my cpf and buying a house in future. i just need to stay working this job for a few years, 3 minimum, if i wanna strong foundation.  this right here actually reminds me of my job.  why yes, izzat got his ride. mine should be within this year. he had the aid from his parents. i have none, so that's why its taking a little bit longer. but then again, you shouldnt bother because i'm the one saving and paying. in fact, i'll kill you. ok, that was random. on a side note, remember this, when i blog, its usually when im inspired. and i believe in authenticity. which is why i buy my toys at a high price. i prefer the Japanese and HK version of my mecha to the US. what i'm tryna say is that, i dont really think much about the thoughts im pouring out. i'd seen...

maybe it applies to all but i feel mine could be severe. i was brought up not to trust strangers. but i think mine went deeper than that. i actually trust no one. friends or family. i have the same mentality as my dad. rather hostile towards other humans. my dad has a foul mouth and a whole different mindset of his own. its like as if he feels people are looking at him all the time. in fact, we close our windows while we pray cos he feels the neighbours are looking. we used to close our kitchen windows because there was once a 'kitchen god' neighbour across our unit who loves to 'look out' the window. relatives? family friends? i can only name one relative unit that we are close to. but even that, my dad has his qualms against them. honestly, i think its almost a decade since i'd talked to them. caught glimpses of them once before. once. and none to family friends. my parents don't have friends. we actually live in a world of our own. i did try to break fr...

   "every once in a blue moon, comes a film that makes you wanna fall in love again. Hello Stranger falls under that" ~ deep muziq  now, i knew I'd stumble into this type of movie every now and then, i just don't know when. and I'm grateful i chanced upon this today. Hello Stranger is an epic Thai love movie that takes place in Seoul, Korea. a place i would love to be in actually, second to Japan and a notch above Sydney. Seriously. its a story of two lonely Thais on a trip to Korea, eventually falling in love with one another after spending a few days together. but of course, the ending ain't cliché. its no (spoiler alert) happy ever after (spoiler alert) as I'd expected it. i watched it with Deane, in fact, it was our first ever movie together after 10 years of knowing each other. how about that. not only that, it was my first Vivocity movie experience. pfft...  i don't know but this movie managed to tug my heartstrings. its li...

so there's one guarding the power sockets. someone actually gave me this. and i'm thankful. and so there's another guarding me while i sleep. three awesome people actually bought me this for my 19th birthday in 2007 and so another one guards the bed phone and so another one guarding my bus collections. shawnrick gave this one to me. i kinda paid for it.  and here lies their boxes. i received the main mechas and so i bought their accessories. on a side note, every bus enthusiasts deserves a bus stop well, to start off, tomorrow would mark my first purchase of megazords for the new year. i'd been lagging in terms of my mecha collection. so today, i removed my 'now reduced in size' collection from their boxes. keep in mind i used to have around 25 mechas. i still love my toys. they remind me of important events and people. well what can i say but i have "mechas guarding my room"

couldn't be more than a day over three.  Still young and carefree. When everything was much easier. I was easy like Sunday mornings. Come what may for nothing bothered me. Protected and guarded from all the lies and negativity. Life was so much better then. Where a dollar was something of a huge value. Whatever happened to the good old days. I miss being young. Days where I would push my free wheeling toy cars to the kitchen as mom cooked something good for the family. Life was about morning cartoons and sleep. Eager to grow old...  To be continued

if this is just a dream, then leave me let me sleep don't disturb me please...

im still growing up. still learning how to save, to pay bills, to use medisave, to pay my own clinic bills. by the way, i have to do daily wound dressing. im still growing up. still tryna enjoy working life. still tryna find some peace. but im currently saving up for my future apartment, future car, future toy collection and probable future dialysis and medication and hospitalisation fee. notice how the missus is missing from my gameplan. future probable kids of mine, could you please tell me 'how i met your mother' i so love 'how i met your mother'

musiq soulchild - "dontchange" well i gotta admint. i was touched when i first listened to the lyrics. and well i had to admit. i did cry the first time i saw the video. and i still wish music was still like this on the radio.

a running tap is what my nose aspires to be. a moon crater is what my leg aspires to be. a healthy adult is what i aspire to be. somewhat normal is what i'll never be.

thus far, there's only 2 memorable new year's eve in my book. one would be the eve of 2005 and the other would be the ushering of 2011 (cos it happened recently). 2011 actually spells change for me. many in store. not knowing exactly when i will execute the plans. but it will. have to happen. forced to. this would also mark the first time i was sick during countdown. furthermore, i learnt never ever to drink a whole bottle of cough medicine. especially when its not mine as well.   what happened was, we were at the multi storey carpark across Hard Rock Cafe. i alighted from izzat's civic. and doosh! i fell to the ground. i couldnt feel my legs. i was drowsy. and i was nauseous. and then i puked. and then i was high. as if tipsy. "5,4,3,2,1" everyone hugged, jumped and danced. i froze on the dancefloor. my chest had an 808 drum pumping some 180bpm track. i specially bought my heart rate monitor watch for this reason. it read 184 beats per minute. and...