his million complaints

hello happiness, tell me where you've been cofusion's been constantly at my door and self pity seems to be waiting at my kitchen. sorrow's always on the sofa and self concious been staring through the mirror. sadness slept next to me as i laid depressed while hopeless watch me wallow and drown in junk food loneliness yearns for your closeness still, boredom always hangs out infront of the tv now anger walked out on me for he got tired of waiting so hello happiness, tell me where you've been.

i'm troubled. i really am. i think so too. there's a burning question slash desire in me to make it work. but there's slight reluctance. oh well. trouble me not.

i do enjoy having the first listen of a new album. and that usually means just scrolling through the songs. thats how i get my first impression of the whole vibe of the album. and i'm hooked on one song. simply cos of its simple lyrics and the mellow lazy tone of singing voice. it was on loop for like what? 5 hours? i was in the sombre, soft mood yesterday at work. so the words fell in place perfectly. "hello happiness, tell me where you've been i miss the sound of your voice i miss the touch of your skin...." westlife 'difference in me' i should start to explore other albums now. hello happiness

here's X-factor runner-ups JLS with Love You More. and when i sing this in my truck, i wish i had someone in mind. my workplace is infested with men. that makes it lonely. "but i couldn't talk to you, i watched you walk away"

and if you'd lost your way, i will keep you safe. here's Westlife with "Safe" head on down to my workplace, open the door to my truck. the muziq will flow out. you might realise how mellow and relaxing it is in my cabin. very minimal of the hard thumpin' and bass pumpin' kind of music. only dreary, weak, emotional music. cos i believe, songs these days have no meaning to them. all about the sex and them booties. yes, i need this. i need these uplifters. i need to feel motivated and love. lift me up.

and there you go. 22nd november was much anticipated. by me and my sis. well, for my sis, its cos it was her birthday. for me, it marked the release of new albums by Westlfe, JLS, Ne-Yo, Kanye West and My Chemical Romance.  and of course, Westlife's Gravity was the one i anticipated for the most. it's their 11th album. the single "Safe" is my current earworm of this album. westlife has guided me with their music since 1999. that's long. JLS. what can i say. maybe its my love for boybands or maybe its their undying harmonies. this group has always brought something fresh, upbeat and yet harmonised into my ipod. mad love for them of course. the single "Love You More" is my current earworm from this album now, we cant seem to go wrong with a man in a suit. Ne-Yo and his Libra Scale. mmmm. the usual sexy vibe Ne-Yo brings to his song. love this release. current earworm from this album would of course be the hit "One In A Million" and that'

my mom and dad went to the polyclinic this morning. dad was there to collect his usual bulk of medicine for his heart and mum went there for prescription for her so called aching hip. in the end, it was me who ended up using her painkillers. she was more than willing considering that she'd only wanted the MC more than the drugs. its amazing that when you're in pain, nothing else matters. 10k is really coming slowly. and soon when i reach that, i'mma be aiming for 20k. oh well. but all i need are pain'terrorists.

well indeed. the author of 'his million complaints' has only but one gripe he found worthy of mention. the author has got a really bad back. yes. one which made him lay on the floor halfway while walking to his kitchen. in bitter pain and almost in tears. the only comfort he gets is when he lays down. not standing up. not even for five. i need a new back. my mom thinks i'm ageing too fast already. i think i might die from this pain. it's my only gripe right now.

now, you must be wondering why i suddenly came back to writing. its a simple story actually. everyday i spend 12 hours in my truck. yes 12 hours. and no, i dont alight. ever. i dont. yes? in a bottle or a plastic bag if you're curious. i chose not to step out. its just me. then one day shawnrick got me and hasif to head on down to visit ben at the Writer's Centre in town. thats when i realised i needed to relax abit and not just think about getting to work the next day. i need a chill pill. i can always buy time. cabs always there. i need to pour my thoughts out a bit. i nearly maxed out my memory space in my tou nao. in my brain. in my otak. writer's choice actually

there, i said it. and i always do. as i steadily grow up over the darn years, i'd come to terms about life and dreams i had when i was young. i dreamt of becoming a bus driver when i was in my tens. in my teens, i dreamt of making it big by maybe being famous and shit. i knew i had the talent but i realised no one had the talent to appreciate it. so here i am, leading a manufactured life. standard. and its so amazing that after having this thought (like for so long) even Lisa Simpson went thru' the same shit in thinkning. that's in The Simpsons Season 22 Episode 05. i no longer chase dreams, i chase papers

i'll blame it on you. for everything that ever happened to me. i know, i've aplenty to say. but each time, i blogged it in my head instead. thats where all my drafts and post've been.

i woke up depressed. not where i wanted to be. not the me i had in mind. i figured the 27 year old me would be more depressing. maybe its time to find that significant other. just saying.

maybe thats how this blog should look like way back since the beginnning. "they say that money talks, so don't ask me why i talk alot" i said "they say that money talks, that's why i keep quiet" hasif replied. ok, saving feels good. i wouldnt say that i regret not starting from young but i would say that i'm grateful i didnt start from young. but up till now, i dont get the value of money. its never much and its never enough. my target grew constantly. and im not satisfied. never will be. but we'll see how it goes. and its kinda painful to only spend 50 a week.

its my sister's birthday. ok done.

everyday i just stare at your naked soul. everyday my mind runs the same thoughts. i shall not update you today. rest my dear companion. rest my dear.

i feel detached from you. there's so many things etched in my head that needs to be poured here. my absence from here don't mean that i've finally gained the confidence of living alone and not sharing my thoughts. it's just that i grew distant. many things flew by. 2009 entries were nothing much but me bitching and tryna live up to the name of 'his million complaints' just as i felt compelled to start a new chapter now in 2010, the year suddenly seems to be encroaching its death. dad. his near death experience. still kinda shaken the whole family. ok, now here's the thing. backstory, i lost my handphone that had the accident images. dad's lawyer told him to get me to send the pics to him. dad didnt know i lost my phone. only mom and sis. they rang me up. i found out how much value it had. yes monetary. and i'm thankful that i uploaded it on facebook. and STILL, whoever that took my phone deserves death. within 10 minutes and he removed my