i buy stuff

   i buy stuff to remind myself that i'm happy. it has come to this. a stage where i realise i need to upkeep my happiness by being materialistic. that's just one thing. it's like, after i got discharged from the hospital, i began to splurge. things i don't need. i wouldnt say i needed a new windows phone. i wouldn't even say i need a spare battery for it. nor do i need 2 mobile broadband devices. and no, i didn't need a new home broadband connection. and no, i didn't need the new acer timeline x laptop that M1's throwin' in into the deal. nopes, i shouldn't be thinking of that reebok bag. and no. i should thinking about megazords and buses.

    i didnt want trophy. like many others, i'd wanted the iphone. but hell, i fell for the windows phone 10 minutes before buying the iphone. and i don't know. i feel old. to me, being old is equals to being eligible to ward/discharge yourself from hospital, having hundreds of bucks to settle for bills and even being eligible to be a guarantor for someone's car. not that it worked out. but yeah, i did sign once.

   i kinda feel. empty. hollow as a milo tin can. if you're looking for that Mr Right, i'm looking for him too. or her. or it. worldly items can't afford to take his/her place. i'm splurging and i know it. :) i have become a tad too quiet. too self conscious.  too afraid.  i no longer share my songs. no longer share my joys. "hello happiness, tell me where you've been" sometimes. i fear i may be in love with somebody not there.
    

     a psuedo happiness if you ask me. a cheap thrill as me and my friends would say. "loneliness knows me by name" and i'm still filling hollow. fill me up. so...

   to keep me happy, i buy stuff.