his million complaints

i try hard to be less sociable   ...and when you're broke, we hang online  the life after 23. so it hit me. i've aged. a year older, a tear older. some things remains the same. i still blog for free, unlike Dee who earns like what? 800 for blogging. lucky her. job i currently am not feeling my job. any moment and i'll be gone. there's a word for it that shawnrick just used. Jelak. i don't know the perfect english word for it. but there you go.    "imagine you being a radio DJ and your talkset is for 12 hours. no music to play. non stop talking. its like me and my driving" financially i can survive on my own if i maintain this job and splurge lesser. and i still have got my middle finger to the cost of living here in this island. come on May. i need to see more money. love seeing someone older than you is weird if you're foreign to it. say 16 years your senior. and me being the quiet one makes it even more harder. seeing someon

"do you ever think of me, anytime?" Good morning. Whuts good. I ditched work today if you should know. Nothing to be proud of though. This monotony should end. I may need a new job. Eh, i miss you. Thats my main point ah. "you should see him when he's with her. he totally transformed into a primary school kid" And suddenly that line went through my head. Oh, and the case of the flu is here and it's making its presence felt... Good morning saturday

i don't know. peculiar. i hate this strong tension at home. my parents are not talking to me. they're mad at me. apparently i may have disappointed them. then again, i totally agree and abide to this line, "When someone says that you've changed, it is because you're not behaving as to how they want you to" true story. but its a good thing i love my sis and she loves me back. so she's like the neutral party between me and my parents. you know, if my family had a huge fortune for me and my sis to inherit, i think she'll get the most. say 70:30. me getting the 30 of course. but then again, at the end of the day, my sis would share and make the proportion even. i have faith in that. always love your siblings. they're your best friends slash family.

Maybe this decision was a mistake. But hey, im vulnerable. You may be wondering whats going on withy life right now. Tsk. First and foremost, my heartstrings been heavily utilized this month. Dating seems foreign yet familiar. I wouldnt have said that if i had been actively seeing other girls lately. Also, not if im the nick cannon and she be the mariah. Caught my gist of it yet? Finding my prototypes werent on my list too but they just appeared. The kind of girl i would marry. The default template i had once imagined actually exists. And yes, the feelings are mutual. In fact, it could be a lil too strong. Never had i seen furious envy in a girl's eyes. It was like she accidentally exposed her feelings for/towards me. Tsk, not that i was oblivious but i didnt know it could be as strong as mine. And her calling me in the wee hours, wanting to see me, it makes me happy... But every thing good has to come to an end... I'll update again later.  Im driving

i thought i was playing it right. i thought i was all strong and all. i told myself not to fall for her. not to fall for my prototype. the type of girl that was meant for me but not made for me. but never did i expect lil miss prototype to have a thing for me too. i totally didnt mean to make her jealous. it wasnt very nice. she stood there in shock. i looked into her eyes and i sensed alot of hurt. i myself didnt know what to do. but i was amazed that she took it well in her stride. and then she complained to shawnrick. telling him that she was jealous cos of what happened. and no. the story didnt just end there. she came up to me, telling me that she actually missed me. and in fact, as i am typing this, my lil miss protoype and i are texting one another. but then again, i have to remind myself not to fall for her. and she cant fall for me. dont ask me why but its meant to be this way. beautiful memories and all but we can never have eternal bliss together. and sometimes, this f

so i let my phone rang. twice throughout the day. and she messaged me after the missed call. the third time it rang, i knew i had to pick up. and it was a decision that i think was worthwhile. it was one of the those "YES AH!" decision. over on the other end, all i heard was laughter. her laughter. it went on and on. simply cos i refused to answer my phone. and so we talked, for a while. a long while in fact. i think i forgotten that i actually enjoyed talking on the phone.

i would jot down all the special moments we had together. talk about how beautiful she is being independent. describe her every little traits and pet peeves based on my observations. express my inner thoughts on how i feel about her. all that without her knowing that i blog. maybe one day as we grey and age together, as i lay dying, i would ask her to read my blog entries , something to remember me by. someone who loved her, her whole life through. now wouldn't that be awwwwwww. have you ever loved someone. so deep that its actually imaginary.  no, not the love that is imaginary but the person...

ok so, this was supposed to be my favourite month.